


Fragile Things

by fezzydrinks



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, McKinley has a beard basically, female oc - Freeform, suppressed homosexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 11:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8486842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fezzydrinks/pseuds/fezzydrinks
Summary: Connor McKinley's marriage is happy, he supposes. But then a face from the past shows up and there are things Connor cannot forget any longer.





	

When Connor got back from his mission, which had been unconventional to say the least, he reconciled with Mormonism. After two years of putting the Book of Mormon to one side to do what all in all he considered to be the larger goal, which was help people he returned home fulling expecting his family to totally ignore that he even existed. So he was pretty shocked when they were there to pick him up from the airport and all it took was a few conversations with the bishop and they were willing to accept him back warmly, provided he started observing Mormonism properly once again. Connor wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to go back but he couldn’t think of anything else to do, so he did.

After a while he met Jessica, who was just the kind of girl his parents wanted him to marry and objectively she was stunning. She had thick blonde hair, long legs and clear skin and she was the best cook Connor had ever met. On top of that Connor really liked her company and they got on well and after a few months she was his best friend. His parents were nearly dying with the anticipation of him marrying her so he decided he may as well. Connor enjoyed their marriage well enough: he got to talk to and live with his favourite person and they had a set of twins; Sam and Fred (because Jessica happened to hate Mormon baby names just as much as Connor did). “They’ll be like secret Mormons”, she laughed and Connor laughed too because the idea that it wouldn’t be immediately obvious despite their names was pretty ridiculous. Jessica told Connor he was the perfect man as far as her girlfriends were concerned, since all their husbands constantly wanted sex. She maybe sounded a little bitter when she said it but Connor chose to ignore that.

So the marriage wasn’t brilliant but it was okay enough until the day Connor ruined it. This began shortly before his fourth anniversary when he got a phone call from Kevin Price, who had been on his mission in Uganda. He picked up his phone,

“Hey, this is Connor speaking.”

“Oh, hi Elder McKinley, um Connor,” Connor recognised that voice. “This is Elder Price, Kevin Price. I saw your number in the phone book and I’m in town so I wondered if you wanted to catch up?”

“Sure, yeah. Gosh it’s been a while.”

“Yeah.” Elder Price hesitated, “Just to let you know, I’m not really a Mormon anymore, but I’d still like to see you.”

“Oh, wow, okay. Yeah we can still meet up. You can meet my wife and kids. They’re adorable. The kids, not the wife.”

“Wife and kids? But I thought…No, I shouldn’t judge. Okay when’s good for you?”

They finished organising the details of Elder Price’s visit, except of course he was just Kevin now. He would come for dinner that Friday and immediately Connor looked forwards to it as he had, after some initial bumps, got on incredibly well with Elder Price. Possibly he had been his best friend on his mission.

 

The dinner was great, Jessica made pork in a creamy mushroom sauce that was absolutely delicious and Kevin happily listened to Sam and Fred’s three year old chattering and told them stories about Uganda in a way that absolutely didn’t make some deep buried part of Connor’s heart flutter. After dinner Jessica went to give their twins their bath and put them to bed leaving Kevin and Connor a chance to catch up. And that was when Connor kind of ruined his marriage. Seeing Kevin again made him think once more of his beiggest secret, something he had spent years pointedly not thinking about or brushing aside as a one off. On their mission, shortly before Connor left he and Kevin had, for want of a better term, hooked up. And it was brilliant and special and Connor had been absolutely sure that he was in love with Kevin from the moment they first kissed right up to when they fell asleep beside each other, sated and happy. But the next morning they both agreed it was a mistake and they weren’t gay and they needed to get right back to turning it off.

 

They continued to be friends but soon Connor went home and never heard from Kevin again, choosing to try and forget what happened and suppress his gay thoughts. It was clear, however, that Kevin had not done the same. He abandoned the church and decided to live a life that was free and open. He told Connor about one partner he had lived with for two years called Ali, who had taught him about so many new and exciting things. Ali had taken him to pride for the first time and on his first real date, during which they watched Harry Potter, which his Mom had always disapproved of and drank excessive amounts of coffee. Kevin didn’t seem especially sad about his relationship with Ali ending and said he was enjoying being back in the dating scene for the moment. He told Connor about his most recent date, which had been totally disastrous when it turned out his date was actually about forty years older than he said and was also a total pervert.

 

Kevin talked and Connor’s head span and his heart ached. He looked at the life Kevin was leading, full of love and fun and truth and he could hardly bear living his own life anymore. He was gay, he always had been and he was absolutely fucking miserable. So three days after dinner with Kevin Connor told Jessica that he was leaving the church and he was going to have to divorce her. Understandably, Jessica was mad at him.

“What the frick?” She screamed.

Connor replied quietly, “I just can’t be married to you anymore, I can’t keep living like this.”

“Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Actually, screw that, I don’t care. You are such a….bastard!” Connor knew she did not take swearing lightly but he couldn’t tell her yet, he had hardly even accepted his homosexuality himself yet.

"I'm sorry Jessica. I really feel unable to discuss the reason why right now, especially when you're so angry."

"Oh my gosh, you're saying that like it's unreasonable to be angry. You know what, you need to leave, immediately."

"I understand that."

 

Connor went to stay in a hotel for a few days while he sorted things out. He loved his children and he loved Jessica but he did not love her the way he was meant to and he never would. The hotel wasn't lovely but it was the best he could do at short notice and it had a clean-looking double bed and a bathroom, so Connor supposed it would be okay temporarily. Lying in bed alone in room 326 everything started to seem a little hopeless, his initial burst of activity dying down and leaving him sobbing. He decided to call Kevin, who surprisingly immediately said he was going to come to the hotel. After Kevin hung up Connor shivered, hoping Kevin wasn’t going to expect anything of him. Being gay and doing gay things were very different as far as he was concerned and while it might seem presumptuous to assume Kevin was even attracted to him like that they had, after all, slept together before. He shuddered and sniffed, and went to the bathroom to wash his face and blow his nose so he didn’t look quite so pathetic when Kevin got there. He was just wearing his temple garments for pyjamas but he realised he wanted to wear something different than that if he was going to have company since he felt a little ridiculous so he changed into some pyjamas. He looked at his temple garments crumpled on the bathroom floor and realised he didn’t need to wear them again if he was leaving the church. While he felt some sorrow at leaving behind everything he had ever known he also felt lighter, somehow, and not just because his woollen temple garments were very heavy.

 

After half an hour Kevin arrived, eyes filled with concern.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked, smiling at Connor. It was no use, someone acting even slightly sympathetic set Connor off crying again and Kevin strode over and hugged him.

“You’ve been so brave,” he said. “I am so proud of you and I know it seems impossible but I am here for you and I will help you get to the part where you are happy and comfortable and everything is great again.”

“Okay,” said Connor, fully aware of how small and weak he sounded. It occurred to him that all he really wanted was for Kevin to stay for a while “Just, don't go?”

“Of course.”

Kevin didn’t let Connor go from his comforting grip but guided them over the bed so they could sit down instead of standing in the middle of the room. For a while the only noise was Connor’s sobs and deep breathing as he tried to calm himself down.

 

When Connor finally seemed to have recovered he apologised to Kevin for getting his sweater all wet. He didn’t seem to mind too much but Connor still felt bad. Then Kevin insisted on staying the night because he didn’t want Connor to be alone. Connor lent him his second pair of pyjamas, which he put on in the bathroom. When he came out Connor giggled loudly because the trousers were so comically short in the leg due to their height difference.

“I’d forgotten how cute you are,” Kevin grinned. “You look much better when you’re happy.”

Connor grinned back but truth be told he was terrified. There was only the one bed and while he definitely appreciated Kevin staying because he did feel better now he was still really scared of what this all might mean. They both climbed into bed and Connor turned the lights out. When he rolled onto his side Kevin followed and put his arm around him.

“Is this too much?” he asked. Connor considered for a moment.

“No,” he said. “This is kind of scary but it’s nice too.”

Kevin nodded in understanding, “I’m glad. Goodnight, Connor.”

“Night, Kevin.”

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this crappy fic. I'm envisaging about three chapters but I'll see how I go, basically. This is my first fic for this fandom but I hope you enjoy it at least a bit


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